1. Be the archtypical hasher. All hashers know what I mean.
2 . Buy the Big Butt Toilet Seat for her birthday or anniversary. Most women are paranoid about the size of their butts, so this will work wonders for that relationship. If you have the money to actually buy this Big John Extra Big Toilet (with ~200% more seating than a standard round toilet seat and an extra wide reinforced base), the look of horror and dismay on your woman's face when you give her this gift telling her that you really thought she'd be more comfortable now, will be worth every penny, and frankly, it'd be priceless.
3. Actions speak louder than words, but these words speak volumes. For this idea, to work, you should choose a special event that is important to her, like a birthday or an anniversary. Go out of your way to be nice and charming, and make a big show of getting her friends together to celebrate her special day. Make sure to invite the friends who are not really friends but friends that she's always competing with and wanting to impress. After dinner, make a big show of making a great toast and announcing what a unique person your wife is. Bring out a lavishly gift-wrapped box. Tell everyone that you couldn’t help thinking of your wife immediately when you saw this present and that you are sure that everyone else would agree that this is perfect for her. Let her open up the beautiful box of B*tch Perfume. And laugh when everyone sees what you got her and act like you are the funniest guy on the planet, cuz you are!
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