Thursday, August 24, 2006

The Proper Woman

The following is from a 1950's home economics textbook intended for high school girls, teaching them how to prepare for married life:

1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal — on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.

6. Some Don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.

7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

10. The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Monday, August 21, 2006

Crab Hash

Another successful crab hash...

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

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How to Piss off a Woman: Part One

My latest in a series of postings on ways to piss women off.

1. Be the archtypical hasher. All hashers know what I mean.

2 . Buy the Big Butt Toilet Seat for her birthday or anniversary. Most women are paranoid about the size of their butts, so this will work wonders for that relationship. If you have the money to actually buy this Big John Extra Big Toilet (with ~200% more seating than a standard round toilet seat and an extra wide reinforced base), the look of horror and dismay on your woman's face when you give her this gift telling her that you really thought she'd be more comfortable now, will be worth every penny, and frankly, it'd be priceless.

3. Actions speak louder than words, but these words speak volumes. For this idea, to work, you should choose a special event that is important to her, like a birthday or an anniversary. Go out of your way to be nice and charming, and make a big show of getting her friends together to celebrate her special day. Make sure to invite the friends who are not really friends but friends that she's always competing with and wanting to impress. After dinner, make a big show of making a great toast and announcing what a unique person your wife is. Bring out a lavishly gift-wrapped box. Tell everyone that you couldn’t help thinking of your wife immediately when you saw this present and that you are sure that everyone else would agree that this is perfect for her. Let her open up the beautiful box of B*tch Perfume. And laugh when everyone sees what you got her and act like you are the funniest guy on the planet, cuz you are!

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Good bloggers copy, great bloggers steal

Lies Lies and More Lies:

1. Of course I'll respect you in the morning.
2. I promise to pull out before I cum.
3. It's not you, it's me.
4. You remind me of Halle Berry.
5. I love spending time with your mom.
6. Of course I love watching chick flicks with you.
7. No, I've never heard that 'Chaka Khan' song.
8. I love being single.
9. I love cheese.
10. I love my job.
11. I love to cuddle.
12. That's never happened to me before.
13. She's like a sister to me.
14. No, I won't forget.
15. That's the best-looking outfit you've tried on so far.
16. My roomate's girlfriend must have left it here.
17. You've gained weight? I didn't even notice
18. I'm not sensitive about my gray hair.
19. I only buy it for the articles.
20. I need to "find" myself
21. we can still be "friends"

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

What's at the end of a hasher's rainbow?

I knew it all along...God does love hashers

Pics from the reunion

My dad and aunt getting ready to take the bus tour
My aunt and cousins at the water wall near the galleria
My grandmother and my great-aunt
My 97 year old Great Grandfather - still alive and kicking