Friday, January 27, 2006

My personal ad experience

Okay this is funny. Guys are a pretty weird bunch when it comes to trying to meet women. I decided to post a fake ad in the 'women seeking men' section of a popular website to try to envision what women (and some of my friends who have personal ads) go through. Got responses from married guys trying to have a little fun on the side , some guys disenchanted by the whole online dating scene but decided to send a response anyway.
Below is a copy of the ad.

Title: (women seeking men) Honesty is the best policy

Look I’m going to be honest here. I’m not an awesome catch physically. As you will no doubt tell by this post, I do have a head on my shoulders, and some personality. But physically? Well I don’t know. You’ll have to decide for yourself I guess. But here are some of the gory details:
I'm a little overweight - not a skinny model type. I’m not a shut-in who can’t get out of the bed. However I am comfortable with it. I like to eat. I like to cook. I like ice cream. On the plus side for you I like ice cream and chocolate all over my body. But if we want good coverage we might need two containers. And you'll need a strong tongue.
I’m in a dead-end job. Of course this is very apropos for a lady looking for love on craigslist. I guess that makes me a bit cliché. Oh well.
All this extra baggage and low self-esteem does makes me very horny for some reason. So I’m always rarin’ to go. And I’m STD free. And I’m told I give a mean blowjob.
I don’t know, I could go on. But I’m not sure how interested people are going to be. So if you want more details, let me know. Overall I’m big, not that attractive, just getting by financially, but I have personality (maybe) and I’m horny (definitely), and just in case I'm picking up two containers of Breyers. I'm sure I'll manage to use it one way or another.

So ball is in your court. Maybe this is good enough. Maybe it’s not.
you let me know.
************
Okay so I post the ad and then wait. I swear not 5 minutes later my inbox starts to fill up. Guys are telling me their life story about how great they are, sending me pictures, etc. I go to bed and laugh hysterically and check again in the morning and I must've had about 150 emails. Here is some of the email that I received:

Hello my dear,
You sound just like what the doctor ordered, I am a 36 yr old mortgage broker in The Woodlands looking for someone just like you! I enjoy anything outdoors and love ice cream...lol! I hope you can email me when you get the chance and I hope this finds you well. Have a great day!!
David

Well hello,
I have to say its interesting to see someone post on here that actually knows who they are and what they want. Too many times its just immature little kids that want to play games.
Well a bit about me. Im a fairly recent transplant from the Bay area of cali. Got tired of the too much money to live situation out there and decided to bail. So far; the area is surprisingly descent. Pay is fairly comparable and the weather isnt nearly as bad as everybody made it out to be. As for physical looks, im 6'1 230lbs (some extra lbs) brown hair green eyes. Irish/English/German.
What do you like to do? I can do pretty much anything. Sporting events, camping, just hanging out are all fun things in my book. As for the outdoors I dont mind it, however after a few days the quaintness of it starts to wear thin (Lack of showers I think) :). Other then that im a pretty normal kind of guy. Oh yeah 27 BTW, guess I should have thrown that in there a bit earlier.
Well if I sound interesting to you at all drop me a line, its always nice to meet someone thats not a freakshow

hey there, my names john, 6-1 185lb 25yo. i live on the nw side-self
employed so my schedule is usually flexible. i hate to let ice cream go
to waste, so if you need someone to come over and clean your freezer out i could be your guy. im not sure if youre being serious about not being into your body-cant tell everything by your pic, but i like what i see-you definately look fit. if youre interested hit me up

I don't know what you're talking about -- you look great in that pic!
Why do you have such low self-esteem?

lady:
I'm gonna be totally honest. educated black male; a computer teacher. young attractive lives alone. originally from chicago. 44 look 34. u are beautiful to me. i know u will get tons of replies. i wish the best for you. i would be honored to have an opportunity to treasure you. ralph

if that picture on your posting is actually you i will bring five gallons of Breyers...not that it would take that much to cover your body but because thats how long id like to have to lick it off of you!! you are gorgeous!!! im assuming that since you are so horny that you would enjoy having your pussy eaten really good and for long periods of time?? that is my experttise!! give me a chance to prove it to you!!!!Dennis

hey i am willing to meet you. My name is eric.
and my number is 832-816-41xx [actually sent his phone#]

This cant be for real??

Hello
I will be upfront ...I do not care if you are not a model. What's a
little extra weight.....if the person is honest and beautiful from
inside.
Having said this ...this is who I am. The reason I am applying to your
ad is.....I am tired of all the BS that goes around with the dating
world, now-a-days.
I am an honest and sincere, 38 y/old 5ft11in. tall dar haired dar
complextioned professional (computers,software) from India, I was educated in England and in India, in British schools. I love all kinds of music, fine wine and good food....and work out 4-5 days a week.
I have an athletic build. I am a positive person...always see the positive in a person...rather than the negative. Life is too short to dwell on the negatives.
I play tennis and am trying to learn golf. I am well travelled and love to see new place.
Just got back from a year's tay in
Boston...loved to ride the bike and saw Cape Cod, Maine, Providence et al.
I can say more .....b ut will leave it to talk about when we meet.
So if this piques your curiosity...call me
Ciao
Sam G.
Cell: 281-924-5xxx [another phone #]
*****************************
okay i'm not real sure what this means other than when women post an ad they can expect a flood of emails with guys sending pics, phone #'s. I even tried to make the girl seem pretty homely like she had just gained weight and had low self-esteem. I'll post up a couple of the pictures that I was sent - I don't think I got any x-rated pics thank god. So to all my female friends - I've got plenty of phone numbers of guys who are dying to meet chicks. So think about that the next time you respond to a personal ad or think about putting one up.

Oh yeah - the latest time I put a personal ad up I got one response.

Women - 150 replies
Men - 1 reply

My Apologies

Okay - I've been meaning to do this for a while. But here are some apologies in advance for the following people:

(1) My boss: I've never blogged at work and would never think of giving away company secrets.

(2) Friends who aren't mentioned: really it's not a slam or anything against you.

(3) Hashers who aren't mentioned: once again don't take any offense, this isn't meant to be a minute by minute expose of my life. just my random thoughts and besides what goes on the road usually stays on the road.

(4) Family: Just in case members of my family google me and find this blog, really this is all harmless fun. Hashing isn't what you think - just a bunch of runners who get together run, have a couple drinks, and take stress off of our hectic lives. Even Bill Clinton has participated in the hash house harriers so it can't be too bad.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Trip to Atlanta

So I'm going to Atlanta to visit some friends that I used to work with at Motorola that I haven't seen for 5-6 years. Vince, is moving up to New Hampshire for a better job opportunity. So Vince if you read this good luck and i know about the vodka shot trick. Kinda weird he's a die-hard Dolphins fan and the Texans coach is going to be their new defensive coordinator.
Will post more about my adventures in the Peach City.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Houston Hash - 1.21.06

hardcore hashers come to play in the rain
run around to chase the wet flour
that was paste by the time we came by
only to encounter more thunder by the hour

but we did not dispair
for the we knew beer could not be far
just a bit of rain and a bit of cold
we dare not run back to the car;

for snow, sleet, rain, nor the dark of night
can keep a hasher from the true goal
of finding the pot of gold that is beer
from our hares twist & shout and roll model.

a good time was had by all
new boot patsy, nickelback, hooter, who the fu$k are you
roller the r.a., such a puss, tom swift, geek and heartache
ez fag, can't touch this, wad to blow, and pull the plug too.

rear layer came, so did tom swift, and i can't forget dryhose
bushsnapper was there and beam me up gave me a surprise
pound puppy showed up, as did pump me, chicken choker, and phart
narc to collect cash, roadkill drank much; a sight for the eyes.

thanks to sticky lips for keeping me warm
and that shortcut was much relief
another hash lost i did not want to be
for the end and beer is all to achieve.

so if i forgot anyone
blame it on old age
my mind's not what is once was
i'm not too amazed.

great on-on-on
free pool, spicy food, great music was there
hot combination of pool playing harriettes
i got felt up by a cop, and drank free beer.

trail could've been worse...
i could still be out
for putting on such a great time, in spite of it all
thanks to roll model and twist n shout.