Thursday, December 28, 2006

Florida Fun

So I'm leaving Florida in a few moments and a few things strike me:
1. Nice to see not much changes with the way people act including myself and family.
2. Will put up pictures of my childhood home when I get back, an online version of the photograph video from nickelback
3. Much tougher to run in the sand along the beach than I thought
4. Was minutes away from a threesome whilst eating oysters at a bar in Destin
5. Googlemap of my trip
6. This is where I grew up

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Missed Expectations

So looking back on a few moments in my life and have discovered a few times where I was not the most observant guy in the world and missed out on some good things. So you should learn from a wise or stupid man - whatever the case may be.
(1) if you have the slightest interest in someone take a chance - it might be the love of your life
(2) your soulmate might be the one person you least expect it to be
(3) women don't always come right out and say they're attracted to you
(4) always go with your heart

that's it for now
and closet freak - i'm sorry and i'll act accordingly next time.
and i promise not to let the next best thing in my life slip thru my hands:

see ya guys next week
will write more from florida next week

Friday, December 22, 2006

1500th Info

Houston 1500th Run Event

Thanks Pimp -
Houston is having there 1500th Run Celebration Feb 23-25, 2007.
This will be done old school style. The hash is taking over an elementary school for the weekend. If you went to the Christmas Party - we will be partying in the school across the street. Here's what we have planned.

You can sleepover Friday night, Saturday night at the school. So bring your popup tents, sleeping bags, etc. Sleepover after the pubcrawl - so you don't have to go home. On Saturday the goal of the hares is to recreate run #1 of the hash. There will be school buses to take a field trip from the school out to the start of the hash. So be at the school on non-hash time. After the run, the buses will take us back to the school for dinner, a talent show, a dance, and a sex-ed class at midnite.

Friday Feb 23, 2007 : Recess
Pub Crawl
Location: Downtown Houston
Lots of surprises along the way
6:00 p.m.
Professor Closet Freak
Professor HOV
Teacher's Assistant Rubbin the Boy Wanker
Midnite: Lockin at the school
Midnite Movies, Games, etc.

Saturday Feb 24, 2007:
Hot Breakfast - 8:00 a.m.
School Lunch - 12:00 pm
Gym Class (Run)- 2:30 p.m.
Field Trip will begin promptly at 3:00 p.m.
Hares: Geek, Estrus, Dr. Strangehash
Run Location - Back to the future
A recreation of run #1

Dinner - 7:00 p.m.
Talent Show - Time TBD
School Dance - Time TBD
Sex Ed Class - Midnite

Price $49 until Feb 2
After Feb 2 - $59
At the run - $69

More info to come, check
pdf flyer -

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Reasons to Date Me

1. You’ll never have to worry about driving illegally in the carpool lane again
2. The taste of your tongue is all I've ever needed
3. I've got a shiny new st. arnold's christmas ale waiting just for you
4. I promise not to use your back to keep my feet warm
5. I'll let you push me on the swings
6. I always put the cap back on the toothpaste
7. I'll stash little notes for you where you'll least expect them
8. We’ll make history together
9. Because no other tongue can "shiver me timber" quite like yours
10. Sleeping alone just sucks.... period!
11. When you're around me I've got the sex drive of a 16 year old boy
12. There isn't anything I feel I can't tell you
13. I wish I could give you all of my firsts
14. All I can offer you is all of my lasts
15. You’re safe with me
16. I'll wait for you even if you're late
17. I'll lick the envelope for you
18. You've seen the monsters under my bed, and you're still here
19. I'll let you sneak a taste when I'm cooking
20. I know CPR
21.I'm what Willis was talking about!
22. You fucking turn me on!
23. You love my dorkiness
24. When you are trying to keep count, I will try and mess you up
25. You’re magically delicious
26. I suck at strip poker
27. I’ll hold your coffee for you when you’re driving
28. Around me dry panties are a thing of the past
29. I promise not to burn the house down while you’re gone
30. I'm mostly harmless
31. I’ll make you Mickey Mouse pancakes
32. I won’t bite unless you want me to
33. Sleeping in has a whole new meaning now that we are doing it together
34. I’ll circle your birthday on my calendar
35. I'll cover you up and kiss your forehead when you fall asleep watching tv
36. I'll carve your initials in a tree
37. I won’t swear around your family - mostly
38. I’ve never been Punk’d
39. I'll pick you flowers to wear in your hair
40. I come with an extended warranty
41. I’ll grant you three wishes
42. I’ll buy you a lap dance at the strip club
43. I didn't vote for either George Bush
44. I don't tear the tags off my mattresses til I get home
45. I always stop to pet dogs outside of grocery stores
46. I wear clean underwear
47. I like to drive fast and furious, come on
48. I know how to give oral sex to make you squirm
49. I read Playboy for the articles
50. I'll make you laugh
51. I've never fucked Pam Anderson or Jenna Jameson
52. I'll never under cook the eggs
53. I'll never drink your last beer unless it saint arnold's amber
54. I can make a mean pot of chili
55. I'll pretend I didn't see you look at that guy across the bar
56. I'll always be impressed with how strong you are
57. I know that handcuffs aren't just for the cops
58. I don't recycle
59. I do know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop
60. I won't steal the vicoden out of your medicine cabinet
61. I'll take care of you when you're sick
62. I'll make fun of you
63. I can give a kick ass back rub
64. I haven't been a house guest of O.J. Simpson
65. I like porn
66. I can't stand soap operas
67. I put the seat down
68. I pump my own gas
69. I'll care if you break a nail
70. I've got cookies
71. I don't chew tobacco
72. I take a shower every day - sometimes twice a day
73. I like to pull your hair when we have sex
74. I'll let you beat me at pool (LET you cause if I try, you're going down)
75. I don't care that you go out with the girls
76. I don't eat crackers in bed
77. I think it's hot when you come home all dirty from playing hard
78. I can't stand the mall, but I will go shopping with you
79. I don't care what music we listen to in the car
80. I've never eaten a bon-bon in my life
81. When you wash the dishes, cook, vaccuum it turns me on
82. I have a male ghetto booty and I am proud of it
83. My heart will jump every time you walk through the door
84. I'll save everything you ever give me
85. I won't ever forget your birthday, and remind you when mine is coming
86. You just can't stop reading this!
87. I've bought a lottery ticket
88. I know how to change the oil in a car.
89. I'll think you're just about the coolest person I know
90. I think pizza and a game at the sports bar down the street is the ideal date
91. What the hell is "in the box"?
92. I always open a window when I paint
93. I've never been on COPS
94. The only drama I have any part of is on t.v.
95. I know how to make a fire
96. I can tie a cherry stem with my tongue
97. I've got a tattoo
98. My kisses will take your breath away
99. I love it when you wear my t-shirts after sex
100. I can't stand Adam Sandler
101. I never drive faster than 30 mph in a school zone
102. My weird habits you'll find adorable
103. You'll sleep better when I'm next to you
104. I'd fuck Angelina Jolie
105. I'll thank you every time you open the door
106. I'll never waste your love
107. I'll laugh at every joke even when it's not funny (but only in public - when we're alone I'll tell you if it's not funny)
108. I'd never give you shit in front of your friends
109. It gets better every time
110. Use as much salt as you want I don't care
111. I won't ever let you leave for work in the morning without your lunch
112. I'll help you find your keys
113. I don't stop and ask for directions either
114. I like wine
115. We can watch your movie first
116. I don't need batteries
117. I once ate a cricket
118. I eat red meat - i love a good steak
119. I'll clean the house perfect every time your mom comes
120. I hash.
121. I know the difference between a salad fork and dinner fork.
122. I write poetry.
123. My family is just as fucked up as yours
124. I don't want to get married any time soon
125. I like horror movies
126. I smell pretty good (thanks to cK 1)
127. I don't litter
128. When I can I give to charity
129. I can be ready in 10 minutes or less
130. I'll let you win at arm wrestling every time
131. I look both ways before I cross the street
132. I never look directly into the sun
133. You'll look cute in my shirts
134. I'm not a virgin
135. You're hotter and more hilarious than anyone I know
136. You can leave makeup on my shoulder
137. I don't mind cats.
138. I like dogs.
139. I can balance a check book
140. I'll help you not to forget your moms birthday
141. I would never yell "fire" in a crowded theater
142. I'm really good at sneaking food into the movies
143. I was the second grade spelling bee champ
144. I'll never say 'nothings wrong' when there really is
145. I know how to hold your hair back when you get sick
146. I've never cried over spilt milk
147. I have never stabbed anyone in the eye
148. I can count to 100 by 5's
149. I've never smuggled drugs out of the country
150. I don't care if you eat dinner in my pajamas
151. I think it's hot when you masturbate
152. I never overload the washer
153. What else have you got to do?
154. I know that whipped cream goes on more than sundaes
155. I've never auditioned for American Idol
156. I don't eat yellow snow
157. I like it when you talk to your friends about me in bed
158. My sunday morning breakfasts will change your life - I make a mean 3egg omelete
159. My chin fits 'just right' in your cleavage when you hold me close
160. I'll understand if you get jealous
161. I'm just that good
162. I never had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky either
163. You're getting very sleepy...
164. I've never been on Jerry Springer
165. I may have already won $10,000,000.
166. You won't be able to get me out of your head
167. I know that sticks are better than automatics
168. I'll let you drive every time if you want
169. I buy a new toothbrush every time the blue wears down
170. I know that objects in the mirror are bigger than they appear
171. I know that flowers will get you laid everytime.
172. I've never gotten caught lip synching on SNL
173. I love Starbucks
174. I never leave the engine running while I'm pumping gas
175. I never run with scissors
176. I've taken the Coke/Pepsi challenge and won
177. Almost every time I have a winning bottle top
178. I know how to keep a secret
179. If you spell something wrong I just think it's cute
180. I've never failed a survey
181. I can almost every time find Waldo
182. I never put my fingers in the light socket
183. I'm a Gemini
184. I have all my shots
185. I'm pretty damn funny
186. I'm not a doctor and I've never played one on t.v. either
187. I don't care if you eat off my plate
188. When you're sleeping I'll always try to be quiet
191. I have never run out of gas (well I just fucked myself there now, didn't I?)
192. I know the difference between they're, their, and there
193. You really kinda would dig having someone to cuddle with on the couch
194. I know how to get stains out of t-shirts
195. I know how to leave you satisfied and hungry for more every time
196. I'm really good at making lists
197. I work tirelessly for attention and your amusement.
198. After reading this far you've already got too much time invested all ready - might as well e-mail me for a date.

I'm Person of the Year

To all my peeps -
I'm Time's Person of the Year.
Thanks to my blog, my constant ramblings on myspace, and my use of the internet to achieve a sense of community and collaboration between people.
For seizing the reins of the global media, for founding and framing the new digital democracy, for working for nothing and beating the pros at their own game, TIME's Person of the Year for 2006 is me.
Peace Out

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Wilde Man

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinion,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."

Dot Comedy - Your Daily Dose of Comedy

dot comedy - equal opportunity at work
what really goes on inside the brain.
The funniest thing I've seen in a while - these guys oughta be hashers.
I loved cross-dressing dwarf at the end.

Equal Opportunity the video

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Crossed Signals

Was talking to someone today about mixed signals between guys and gals.
To all the women out there - if it seems like you're the least bit interested in a guy why not just come out and tell him. Guys just don't get all the flirty signals - I know women like to be chased, but sometimes we are oblivious.
I've certainly learned my lesson - and just take dates and phone numbers one day at a time and try not to get to worried about when should i email after i've gotten her email address, or phone number etc. I think some wise man once said - women are people too, treat 'em as such and you'll go far young man. So I've started to do that - and it has improved my social life - also going outside the hash to meet women as well. But that's another blog posting.

Upon my death cremate me like this...

At only 35 years of age, I have already prepared for my eventual passing. However, I feel strongly that there's no time like the present when it comes to planning one's final resting place, particularly when one is still of sound mind and body. Therefore, I would like to be cremated, placed in a black lacquer vase, and then scattered on the body of a completely naked lady.

When you read my will, you will see that it contains many guidelines for how this should be carried out. They are very specific. For instance, simply putting a woman in front of a fan and feeding my ashes through it is totally unacceptable. The event, if it goes according to my final wishes, will be respectful and somber. It's imperative that my loved ones carry it out to the letter.

I have set aside $5,000 in an interest-bearing account for this purpose so it will not be a financial burden on my family. In the event of my death in my will there will be a list of prospective female bodies, chiefly professional models. I will update this list until I am no longer physically or mentally able to surf the Internet.

Should the money prove insufficient for one of the candidates on this primary list, I will accept a local amateur from a secondary list detailed in my will. But I insist she still be held to the same requirements as for the professionals: First, she should be willing to strip down all the way and allow my cremated remains to fall upon her supple body. Second, I would like a redhead. Third, her proportions should be pleasing, but not outlandish. I don't want my funeral to turn into a circus sideshow—the focus, after all, should be on the man I was, how I chose to live my life, and how I want to be remembered. Therefore, for bra size, I would like a maximum of 36D and a minimum of 34B. A fair portion of my remains should be cast between the woman's breasts, so she should be able to create a respectable amount of cleavage without the help of a bra.

I request a relatively unblemished body with a light tan, so my ashes contrast with her naked body and don't simply blend in. Her face should be pleasing. I would prefer angelic, but if this not possible I understand, please consult my Internet history cache of female models. It knows what I like and we have discussed my wishes many time at length - while I peruse the 'net.

Contemplating this last requirement has kept me up many late nights and is not something that I take lightly. But I must request that the model shave her pubic hair in a tasteful "landing strip"-style pattern. This naked woman will be my final resting place, and it's important that this resting place is well trimmed and maintained.

On one more point I should be absolutely clear: The woman must have no surgical enhancements of any kind. Hers should be a natural body that people feel comfortable around and would like to spend time looking at.

If the woman had Asian features, that would be a plus.

And once the ashes are sprinkled on her, the woman should anoint her entire body with oil, then rub herself with it, slowly and with great care and reverence, of course. Therefore, my eternal soul will live on, in some small way, here on Earth.

One final request that I make for the funeral itself is that you find a young, female singer to sing "Purple Rain" while playing the piano. It is crucial that she has a clear, strong voice and competent keyboard skills. She should be a brunette, wear glasses, and, if there is money left over, perhaps she can be persuaded to sing topless.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Ghetto Booty

Ghetto Booty in the hash???

Now that's a booty

White girls can have ghetto booty too.

Small ghetto booty

That's what we call ghetto booty son. You'll want to hit that when you're older. Just don't tell your mom.

Spread 'em

The recent postings of Closet Freak got me thinking about booty, more specifically ghetto booty. Well not that I don't think about it every day when I'm walking down the corridors at HP checking out asses, I figured it'd be a good blog posting, as judged by the nice pictures up above.

There are several terms for what is commonly known as black girl booty - junk in the trunk, apple bottom, onion booty, ghetto booty, baby got back, teardrop ass, and thick are some slang for a nice shapely ass. It goes to say - you normally know it when you see it. I think it goes to say - I don't recall seeing much ghetto booty in the hash. Except for that one time when a new boot came to run the Heartache Full Moon and we got busted by the railroad police. Although I do see a lot of nice booty when I'm running through the third and fifth ward, as well as Memorial Park on the loop around the tennis center.

The link below goes into a lot more definition about the right proportions that define a proper booty. the link is definitely not safe for work. Ok you've been warned this time. Check out the The Assmatrix.

So if you know of any single female friends who exhibit a bit o booty - hook a brother up.

Peace Out.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

another great houston run

more will be said later in the hash trash, but.
1) another heartache run not to be missed
2) on-on-on at chez lounge
3) closet freak was the last harrierette standing and outlasted the hare at the on-on-on
4) great shiggy - lots of shoe sucking muck, briars, thorns, weeds and shiggy

Friday, December 08, 2006

Thursday, December 07, 2006

The Lizard King

  • A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.
  • Blake said that the body was the soul's prison unless the five senses are fully developed and open. He considered the senses the 'windows of the soul.' When sex involves all the senses intensely, it can be like a mystical experience.
  • Drugs are a bet with your mind.
  • Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
  • I am the lizard king. I can do anything.
Jim Morrison - the lizard king

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

More Random Christmas Pub Crawl Thoughts

1. Why do I have nipple docking written on one of my business cards?
2. What is nipple docking and is it illegal in Texas?
3. Where was I on the unveiling of the boobs?
4. I did not leave my credit card at any of the bars and I'm proud of it. I have done that before in the past - at Onion Creek and it's not a pretty site.
5. Next time I'll take a cab to downtown. $6 cab rides anywhere in downtown.
6. The folks at Cabo don't take too kindly to chalk arrows on their floor.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Christmas Party Success

Ahhh -
the Christmas Party was a success. My band - Chaka MAD played and we had an excellent time. For those of you that missed it - there's always next year. I can't believe we played about 3-4 hours worth of music. Everything from Linda Ronstadt to Black Sabbath. I love Pimp Doggie Dawg yelling for Judas Priest - I promise I'll talk to the band about putting that in a setlist. And we even played AC/DC for Pipes - we were saving that one for an encore. But you never know what mismanagement has up their sleeve for other equally great events to come.

Also you never know what Closet Freak has up her sleeve for another pub crawl. All I can say is there may be another pub crawl similar to the one we laid last year. You never know with us.