Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Reasons to Date Me

1. You’ll never have to worry about driving illegally in the carpool lane again
2. The taste of your tongue is all I've ever needed
3. I've got a shiny new st. arnold's christmas ale waiting just for you
4. I promise not to use your back to keep my feet warm
5. I'll let you push me on the swings
6. I always put the cap back on the toothpaste
7. I'll stash little notes for you where you'll least expect them
8. We’ll make history together
9. Because no other tongue can "shiver me timber" quite like yours
10. Sleeping alone just sucks.... period!
11. When you're around me I've got the sex drive of a 16 year old boy
12. There isn't anything I feel I can't tell you
13. I wish I could give you all of my firsts
14. All I can offer you is all of my lasts
15. You’re safe with me
16. I'll wait for you even if you're late
17. I'll lick the envelope for you
18. You've seen the monsters under my bed, and you're still here
19. I'll let you sneak a taste when I'm cooking
20. I know CPR
21.I'm what Willis was talking about!
22. You fucking turn me on!
23. You love my dorkiness
24. When you are trying to keep count, I will try and mess you up
25. You’re magically delicious
26. I suck at strip poker
27. I’ll hold your coffee for you when you’re driving
28. Around me dry panties are a thing of the past
29. I promise not to burn the house down while you’re gone
30. I'm mostly harmless
31. I’ll make you Mickey Mouse pancakes
32. I won’t bite unless you want me to
33. Sleeping in has a whole new meaning now that we are doing it together
34. I’ll circle your birthday on my calendar
35. I'll cover you up and kiss your forehead when you fall asleep watching tv
36. I'll carve your initials in a tree
37. I won’t swear around your family - mostly
38. I’ve never been Punk’d
39. I'll pick you flowers to wear in your hair
40. I come with an extended warranty
41. I’ll grant you three wishes
42. I’ll buy you a lap dance at the strip club
43. I didn't vote for either George Bush
44. I don't tear the tags off my mattresses til I get home
45. I always stop to pet dogs outside of grocery stores
46. I wear clean underwear
47. I like to drive fast and furious, come on
48. I know how to give oral sex to make you squirm
49. I read Playboy for the articles
50. I'll make you laugh
51. I've never fucked Pam Anderson or Jenna Jameson
52. I'll never under cook the eggs
53. I'll never drink your last beer unless it saint arnold's amber
54. I can make a mean pot of chili
55. I'll pretend I didn't see you look at that guy across the bar
56. I'll always be impressed with how strong you are
57. I know that handcuffs aren't just for the cops
58. I don't recycle
59. I do know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop
60. I won't steal the vicoden out of your medicine cabinet
61. I'll take care of you when you're sick
62. I'll make fun of you
63. I can give a kick ass back rub
64. I haven't been a house guest of O.J. Simpson
65. I like porn
66. I can't stand soap operas
67. I put the seat down
68. I pump my own gas
69. I'll care if you break a nail
70. I've got cookies
71. I don't chew tobacco
72. I take a shower every day - sometimes twice a day
73. I like to pull your hair when we have sex
74. I'll let you beat me at pool (LET you cause if I try, you're going down)
75. I don't care that you go out with the girls
76. I don't eat crackers in bed
77. I think it's hot when you come home all dirty from playing hard
78. I can't stand the mall, but I will go shopping with you
79. I don't care what music we listen to in the car
80. I've never eaten a bon-bon in my life
81. When you wash the dishes, cook, vaccuum it turns me on
82. I have a male ghetto booty and I am proud of it
83. My heart will jump every time you walk through the door
84. I'll save everything you ever give me
85. I won't ever forget your birthday, and remind you when mine is coming
86. You just can't stop reading this!
87. I've bought a lottery ticket
88. I know how to change the oil in a car.
89. I'll think you're just about the coolest person I know
90. I think pizza and a game at the sports bar down the street is the ideal date
91. What the hell is "in the box"?
92. I always open a window when I paint
93. I've never been on COPS
94. The only drama I have any part of is on t.v.
95. I know how to make a fire
96. I can tie a cherry stem with my tongue
97. I've got a tattoo
98. My kisses will take your breath away
99. I love it when you wear my t-shirts after sex
100. I can't stand Adam Sandler
101. I never drive faster than 30 mph in a school zone
102. My weird habits you'll find adorable
103. You'll sleep better when I'm next to you
104. I'd fuck Angelina Jolie
105. I'll thank you every time you open the door
106. I'll never waste your love
107. I'll laugh at every joke even when it's not funny (but only in public - when we're alone I'll tell you if it's not funny)
108. I'd never give you shit in front of your friends
109. It gets better every time
110. Use as much salt as you want I don't care
111. I won't ever let you leave for work in the morning without your lunch
112. I'll help you find your keys
113. I don't stop and ask for directions either
114. I like wine
115. We can watch your movie first
116. I don't need batteries
117. I once ate a cricket
118. I eat red meat - i love a good steak
119. I'll clean the house perfect every time your mom comes
120. I hash.
121. I know the difference between a salad fork and dinner fork.
122. I write poetry.
123. My family is just as fucked up as yours
124. I don't want to get married any time soon
125. I like horror movies
126. I smell pretty good (thanks to cK 1)
127. I don't litter
128. When I can I give to charity
129. I can be ready in 10 minutes or less
130. I'll let you win at arm wrestling every time
131. I look both ways before I cross the street
132. I never look directly into the sun
133. You'll look cute in my shirts
134. I'm not a virgin
135. You're hotter and more hilarious than anyone I know
136. You can leave makeup on my shoulder
137. I don't mind cats.
138. I like dogs.
139. I can balance a check book
140. I'll help you not to forget your moms birthday
141. I would never yell "fire" in a crowded theater
142. I'm really good at sneaking food into the movies
143. I was the second grade spelling bee champ
144. I'll never say 'nothings wrong' when there really is
145. I know how to hold your hair back when you get sick
146. I've never cried over spilt milk
147. I have never stabbed anyone in the eye
148. I can count to 100 by 5's
149. I've never smuggled drugs out of the country
150. I don't care if you eat dinner in my pajamas
151. I think it's hot when you masturbate
152. I never overload the washer
153. What else have you got to do?
154. I know that whipped cream goes on more than sundaes
155. I've never auditioned for American Idol
156. I don't eat yellow snow
157. I like it when you talk to your friends about me in bed
158. My sunday morning breakfasts will change your life - I make a mean 3egg omelete
159. My chin fits 'just right' in your cleavage when you hold me close
160. I'll understand if you get jealous
161. I'm just that good
162. I never had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky either
163. You're getting very sleepy...
164. I've never been on Jerry Springer
165. I may have already won $10,000,000.
166. You won't be able to get me out of your head
167. I know that sticks are better than automatics
168. I'll let you drive every time if you want
169. I buy a new toothbrush every time the blue wears down
170. I know that objects in the mirror are bigger than they appear
171. I know that flowers will get you laid everytime.
172. I've never gotten caught lip synching on SNL
173. I love Starbucks
174. I never leave the engine running while I'm pumping gas
175. I never run with scissors
176. I've taken the Coke/Pepsi challenge and won
177. Almost every time I have a winning bottle top
178. I know how to keep a secret
179. If you spell something wrong I just think it's cute
180. I've never failed a survey
181. I can almost every time find Waldo
182. I never put my fingers in the light socket
183. I'm a Gemini
184. I have all my shots
185. I'm pretty damn funny
186. I'm not a doctor and I've never played one on t.v. either
187. I don't care if you eat off my plate
188. When you're sleeping I'll always try to be quiet
191. I have never run out of gas (well I just fucked myself there now, didn't I?)
192. I know the difference between they're, their, and there
193. You really kinda would dig having someone to cuddle with on the couch
194. I know how to get stains out of t-shirts
195. I know how to leave you satisfied and hungry for more every time
196. I'm really good at making lists
197. I work tirelessly for attention and your amusement.
198. After reading this far you've already got too much time invested all ready - might as well e-mail me for a date.

7 comments:

All Head, No Shaft said...

I actually got to about 105 before I puked. Chicks think you are one of their closet lesbo friends!

rubbin said...

ha ha ha

Gaslight ;-) said...

Dude, you forgot:

I work tirelessly for attention and your amusement.

HOV said...

That list is too fu**** long!!

HOV said...

Merry Christmas!

Don't Have One Yet said...

Rubbin I think you are pretty Damn Nifty! But can you tie a cherry stem with only your tongue?

Pimp Doggie Dawg said...

dude, you already emailed me this, NOW you post on your blog---I TOLD YOU NO, NO, NO and don;t try and reverse it, cause we are not on on on.

you should be posting something about the houston1500 run weekend